Partway through my month long experiment -- I was out on a trail run, suffering more than necessary due to too many drinks the night before -- I decided that I would reach out to a doctor about my drinking and ask for help. I was only about 2.5 weeks into the experiment, but it was clear to me that reducing my drinking on my own was 1) taking a lot of mental energy, 2) felt very hard, and 3) wasn't that effective.
I got home from the run, and called the doctor's office and made an appointment for a physical. I also said out loud, for perhaps the first time ever, "and I'd like to talk about reducing my alcohol consumption".
When the words came out of my mouth, even though I was just on the phone, I turned flush, I started to tremble. Waves of shame and guilt came over me, my voice cracked, my heart raced. I held back tears. The person on the other end probably didn't notice a thing. But that was a real moment for me to state out loud that I have a problem and need help with it.
Two weeks later (today), I walked into the doctor's office. I admit, I was very nervous, and again felt the shame and guilt I experienced previously. But I was already there, I had told the person while making the appointment why I wanted to come in. The ball had been set in motion.
After the typical standard motions of a physical -- height, weight, eye sight, blood pressure, heart beat etc. -- the doctor came in, and within two minutes we were talking about alcohol. She agreed that it would be good to reduce my consumption, and we talked about strategies. She initially advocated going to counseling, but after some further discussion and a request from me, we ended up deciding on a path of Naltrexone plus counseling.
Naltrexone is supposed to block whatever receptors make you feel pleasure from drinking alcohol. Unlike disulfiram, which makes a person violently ill if they drink alcohol after taking the medication, naltrexone is supposed to work by making it feel 'meh' to drink. A person doesn't derive pleasure from the alcohol, which in turn is supposed to reduce the desire to drink and curb any cravings.
I took my first dose a bit after lunch, and an hour later side effects him me. I got quite light headed and a bit nauseous. I took a break from my work and laid on the bed for about 15 minutes hoping it would pass. It did, and I felt mostly back to normal within an hour of the onset, and completely normal within two hours. It was unpleasant, but I am going to try taking it again tomorrow and see if I have similar side effects.
But the good news is that I didn't drink tonight, and barely wanted to. My first zero drink night in months. I can't say whether it was asking for help, the medication, a mental shift, or some combination, but I do feel proud.
I thought about having a drink to see what the effects are like while taking the medication, but ended up refraining, thinking to myself, "if you don't actually want it, why would you have a drink?"
I don't plan to count days, but I do feel like today was important, and hopefully the start of a shift of my habits. One day at a time, one week at a time, and I'll see how change comes.
Good luck future self, take time to reflect, and try to enjoy and learn from the journey.
I got home from the run, and called the doctor's office and made an appointment for a physical. I also said out loud, for perhaps the first time ever, "and I'd like to talk about reducing my alcohol consumption".
When the words came out of my mouth, even though I was just on the phone, I turned flush, I started to tremble. Waves of shame and guilt came over me, my voice cracked, my heart raced. I held back tears. The person on the other end probably didn't notice a thing. But that was a real moment for me to state out loud that I have a problem and need help with it.
Two weeks later (today), I walked into the doctor's office. I admit, I was very nervous, and again felt the shame and guilt I experienced previously. But I was already there, I had told the person while making the appointment why I wanted to come in. The ball had been set in motion.
After the typical standard motions of a physical -- height, weight, eye sight, blood pressure, heart beat etc. -- the doctor came in, and within two minutes we were talking about alcohol. She agreed that it would be good to reduce my consumption, and we talked about strategies. She initially advocated going to counseling, but after some further discussion and a request from me, we ended up deciding on a path of Naltrexone plus counseling.
Naltrexone is supposed to block whatever receptors make you feel pleasure from drinking alcohol. Unlike disulfiram, which makes a person violently ill if they drink alcohol after taking the medication, naltrexone is supposed to work by making it feel 'meh' to drink. A person doesn't derive pleasure from the alcohol, which in turn is supposed to reduce the desire to drink and curb any cravings.
I took my first dose a bit after lunch, and an hour later side effects him me. I got quite light headed and a bit nauseous. I took a break from my work and laid on the bed for about 15 minutes hoping it would pass. It did, and I felt mostly back to normal within an hour of the onset, and completely normal within two hours. It was unpleasant, but I am going to try taking it again tomorrow and see if I have similar side effects.
But the good news is that I didn't drink tonight, and barely wanted to. My first zero drink night in months. I can't say whether it was asking for help, the medication, a mental shift, or some combination, but I do feel proud.
I thought about having a drink to see what the effects are like while taking the medication, but ended up refraining, thinking to myself, "if you don't actually want it, why would you have a drink?"
I don't plan to count days, but I do feel like today was important, and hopefully the start of a shift of my habits. One day at a time, one week at a time, and I'll see how change comes.
Good luck future self, take time to reflect, and try to enjoy and learn from the journey.
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